The difference between love and staplers

I was going to write something witty and educational about safe-words, but than I saw this.

For the linkaphobes the linked article is by Misteress Matisse, a very well known BDSM'er. In the article she talks about how she takes a surgical stapler to a mans nipple and scrotum and how in her mind the is equals love. After all - in her own words - it's easy to confuse the rising heart rate of someone in pain begging for you not to hurt them, with the raising heart rate of someone who's truly in love with you being able to please you. I've never had this problem, niether have my Masters or Misteress, but hey some people may not have the personal skills to tell a kiwi from a Havard Law Professer.

Don't get me wrong, I'm all for kink and doing whatever you and your fully consenting partner are cool with (and if someone's not mentally capable to understand the whole of the situation than it's not consentual, just a note people). It's just there are somethings that have that new psycopath smell that just don't sit right with anyone who has an ioda of sanity. Misteress Matisse honestly gives the feel of crazy-pshyco-lady when she says:

"He's really scared, I thought. I've never injected heroin, but I do believe the pleasure I felt in that moment could not possibly be rivaled by anything in a syringe. I felt high—and on the heels of that, I felt a surge of tenderness toward him. And then I put another staple into his nipple."

I'm sorry -actually I'm not but let's go with this - but if someone's scared of you and you supposedly feel tenderness or affection towards them, you don't go on doing the thing that's making them feel like you're raping them! Really it's simple, pleasure is pleasure, pain is pain, and rape is rape. If a Dominant can tell that their submissive/slave is scared they have the duty to say "fuck this shit we're stopping" because anything else is non-consetual and thus rape. On top of that if this is a sign of affection for Misteress Matisse I have one word for her; sociopath.

Honestly if causing a lover to be afraid of you and associate you with pain is what you consider affection than you fit the deifnition of scociopath, no matter the kink you're in to. Oh did a fine job of explaining why rape-kink is wrong so I won't go in to that, but seriously people when this is your "thing" than maybe you should take some time out to see a therapists cause your kink is just wrong.

xDande

Oh. It's a Bird! It's a Plane! It's a... Fantasy?

Question:

If someone fantasizes, in great detail, about brutally killing and eviscerating the people around them, is it healthy?

Truly consider that for a moment.

Okay! If you're in any way sane, you'll have answered that no, actually, that's not really the mark of a mentally and emotionally healthy individual. Anyone who fantasizes about brutally killing people and eviscerating them - or, Hell, brutally killing them in general - is not really someone you want to be around. It's a personal thing. You know. I'm just not feeling it anymore.

... Why do you think it's healthy to fantasize about brutally raping someone? If someone were fantasizing about brutally killing and eviscerating people and getting off on it, it's a tossup whether that would make it alright for most people who consider themselves 'sex-positive'¹. The thing is, if someone were fantasizing about brutally raping someone without gaining sexual pleasure from it, they'd be considered more dangerous.

Um, why?

They'd probably be more likely to do it if they were getting sexual/emotional satisfaction out of it. And with rape conviction rates as low as they are? That might-be rapist probably won't be caught or convicted - and if they are, it's a fairly sure deal that unless they kill their victim, too, they won't be in prison for more than six months (if at all). They'd also be considered 'more of a man' or 'sexier' for doing so (but why women are considered sexier as rapists is a whole 'nother post). All of these reasons aren't even touching the fact that BDSM and similar are hardly 'deviant' - they just have physical contraptions and overtly acknowledge what they're doing is a power imbalance.

It doesn't make it better that women fantasize about it too, you know - since the 'but women do it too!' trick is always brought up to try and make the fucked-upness ~*magically*~ disappear. Quite the contrary. The fact that women have rape fantasies just makes it more upsetting... and more obvious that rape is not a 'fetish' as such, but a cultural norm. Anyone who's taken a basic Humanities course in college has learned that Western civilization was essentially constructed from Greek and Roman cultures. Oh, and here's something they didn't tell you. The Greeks and Romans? Glorified rape. Fetishized it to all Hell. It was also a notably sucky place for women to live, considering that they didn't even have the limited options that men had available to them. (Countdown until someone brings up that 'men were oppressed too!' Didn't we just cover this?)

People widely accept rape fantasies as normal. If you think otherwise, you're probably some porn-loving idiot with a martyr/persecution complex, and I hereby cordially invite you to die in a car fire. People widely accept rape fantasies as normal because it allows someone to not take responsibility while still remaining in control of the situation. Whatever, dude. They're fantasizing about being raped, and with that explanation, you get angry at rape myths being spread around in this society?

And more than that, rape fantasies are widely accepted because our society doesn't know what consent is. No. No, it doesn't. If it isn't the case that you and everyone you know, particularly of the female varieties, feels absolutely comfortable with refusing to have sex if:

- They don't really feel like it.
- They aren't very fond of the person who wants to have sex with them.
- They're pissed off or otherwise in a bad mood².
- They're being triggered.
- Someone is pressuring them.
- Their partner is pressuring them.
- Their master/mistress is pressuring them.
- It's the wrong time of the month.
- They just got the mail.

... then either a) they don't know what consent is, or b) they know what consent is, but have some internalization issues with applying it to themselves. I'm betting on the former, myself, because we as a society don't know what consent is.

Honestly, a good portion of the fantasies that are common are actually rape fantasies. We don't know or acknowledge this, however, because it looks good and non-violent and usually only starts out non-consensually, or what I prefer to call 'quiet rape'. It doesn't sound good to most people because it would show a shitload of people - mostly men - as the rapists they are or could be.

I'm not going to argue that all rapists have had rape fantasies at some point in their life and that's why they're rapists, because most people have. It's sort of like arguing that all rapists drank water at some time in their lives. Well, yeah.

But it does begin to seem suspicious when the population of women who have been raped keeps growing larger and larger (1 out of 3, now), and people keep pushing for more 'progressive' acceptance of people who find it hot to rape people... to the point that what we see as rape in our heads no longer matches up with what rape actually is.

No, rape fantasies don't cause rape. They just desensitize you to what is rape, and make you believe that what's happening couldn't possibly be rape - hey, it's just a kink, you know? The same way that racist pornography (read: all pornography) aids in convincing us that what it shows couldn't possibly be racism, because racism is, like, you know, lynching black people and stuff.

Don't assume that something that hurts has to be visibly extreme in nature. You'll have that misconception corrected, and badly.

Dammit. I can't make this post funny, now, 'cause it talks about actual rape. Fuck. Just deal with it, and bear with me. I'm sure Dande will be much more amusing, when I finally prod xe into posting.

Goin' to get my stick.

¹'Sex-positive' is, naturally, a misnomer. Similar to the moniker of 'pro-life', it labels the opposition as something that no one in their right mind actually is and, to top it all off, is not actually what it says. There are very few 'pro-life' people who are actually pro-life. Likewise there are very few 'sex-positive' people who are actually sex-positive. Most of them are rape fetishists, or support the massively sexually repressive - not to mention racist, misogynistic, etc. - institution of pornography.

²Oh, and those people out there who like 'angry sex'. I owe something to you, and that is to fulfill the promise of this blog... YOUR KINK IS WRONG!